the best birthday gift ever

woohoo!

nothing could describe this feeling. we won! what seemed like a dream was finally made into reality. we won first place in the cheering competition. and God even gave more, we were second place in over-all. and we won most disciplined and most organized level. WOOHOO! we won four over five tarpaulins!!! so powerful.

it was me and sir leo's original plan to make history with this batch. and i though this dream was lost when we were practicing because everyone was so stubborn. everyone would not like to participate and everyone was not in rhythm with everyone else's actions. in addition to this, when i saw the costume for the cheerers, i lost all hopes of fighting.

earlier this week, my artistic pride was greatly crushed and pulverized. i was demoralized. like in anime, if their soul is being sucked out, the white bubbles on their eyes diminish and they die. i felt that that was happening to me. the cheerer's costumes were a mess, the cheerdancer's costume were a wreck, the printing of the year level's logo on the intrams shirt was a disaster. everything was not going fine. on practices, people are not participating. people are supposed to meet at 6am in the morning but everyone becomes complete at 7:15, 5 minutes before assembly. there is not a day that i do not shout and get angry at people. i walked out, i shouted my lungs out, i was moody. and i was easily irritated with people approaching and saying "sir, pwede mag-cr?" "sir, hanggang anong oras tayo?" "sir, pwede na bang umuwi?" "sir, pwede bang mag-fountain?"

on the first day of intrams, it was fine. but i got annoyed in the faculty room. *top secret issue* and i had to go to someone else's house to finish the costumes. the dream even became even more foggy on the second day of intrams. i think every minor games the people were defaulted. our championships were lost. goodluck naman! hindi na ako umasa.

when everyone was preparing, i tried so hard not to get mad. but everyone was becoming annoying again. everyone was asking "sir, kelan po ibibigay ang costume?" kahit katabi na nila nung may nagtanong ng ganun, itatanong pa rin. i hate it, i was not given a chance to stay at one place. i was running back and forth. to the faculty dining and into the quarters. back and forth, back and forth. i was so tired and annoyed with everyone.

but when they are in their positions, i cannot hold back my tears. my kids will perform. im so happy. im so happy that i had teary eyes. i was telling everyone "galingan nyo ha. kaya nyo yan. galingan nyo." with a shaky voice and with eyes filling up with tears. my students tell "wag ka umiyak, sir. gagalingan namin." but i cant help it.

and then, they peroformed and i was nervous all this time. i think i was even more nervous than their parents. but when they've finished, i was able to breathe again. i did not expect anything. im just glad that they were able to perform well.

awarding came, and i did not mind any of it. at that time, i know that i will not be able to make my dreams come true. me and sir leo would not be able to make our dreams come true. but then, announcement came. surprised at first, but everyone was wild. the people wearing green were all jumping, there was chaos at our side. happy chaos. if im not mistaken, consecutive announcement of winners and special awards was for us. so people were jumping, screming, crying nonstop. in the pictures, people's mouths were open, smiling screaming. it was so fun. that was the best moment for me, not because of the awards. but because everyone was happy. everyone was excited. gotta love it.

just like what demetillo says....

YEAH BABY!!!!


~ ~ ~

feel the strength! BRIGANTES PREVAILED!

im such a fool for you...

sunday morning post!

yesterday was such a tiring day. cheering practice sabotaged by mcdo. syet talaga sila, ang tagal dumating ng food namin. and i pity my children for they have not eaten and still they are shouting their hearts out. although not all are really participating, but still i compliment them for doing a good job yesterday. i think that in a way, we have mastered the cheer. but there is still something in me thinks that we could have done a lot more yesterday.

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i want to tell someone. people that i trust. but i cannot. not with the environment that i have. i simply cannot. things will get complicated if i let this slip out.

aargh! i hate you! you make my life complicated.

~ ~ ~

i thought i am a better person that was made stronger by the past. but now you are making me realize that i am still a fool. fool to forget what i have learned, and fool enough to fall for you eventhough i know that we will never be...

...maybe for now. and i dont know if WE can be in the future. but im hoping...

~ ~ ~

Im sure Im not being rude
But its just your attitude
Its tearing me apart...

but im in so deep
you know im such a fool for you...

...do you have to let it linger?

~ ~ ~

isshouni asobo!

the more you hate the more you love?

regarding the last post. umaga na nya nabasa, and were ok.

~ ~ ~

today was such a wasteful day.
at napatunayan ko ngayon na nakakahawa ang ka-badtrip-an. kapag nakipag-usap ka sa taong badtrip, mababadtrip ka rin mismo.

~ ~ ~

is it so hard to trust?
magtatanong ka "bakit ka nakasimangot?"
magtatanong ka "bakit mo sya nagustuhan?"

i know that sometimes, there are personal questions that cannot be answered right away. but have i not proven that you can trust me?

~ ~ ~

nakakainis!
nakakainis talaga!!!!!

~ ~ ~

time is running out

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aww....
ang ngalan nyang angkin
sing ningning ng bituin...


flashbacks...

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kimi ga suki da to
sakebitai

"i want to shout i love you"

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isshouni asobo!

guilty!

guilt

bothered

guilt

bothered

ayoko ng nananakit ng damdamin ng tao. mahilig akong mang-asar, pero hindi ako seryoso sa mga sinasabi ko. isang beses, may inasar ako. tapos biglang umiyak, na-bother ako bigla kasi totoo palang umiyak sya. pero hindi sya umiyak dahil sa pang-aasar ko, malungkot na sya to start with tapos mali yung hirit ko. pero nag-sorry naman ako sa kanya.

alam ko kung kailan ako hihingi ng tawad. kaya lang talaga, minsan nagkakamali ako ng hirit. tao lang din ako, minsan nadadala ng ibang emosyon at naibubuhos sa iba na hindi naman karapat-dapat. and this time, im wrong. sooooo wrong. at ngayon ko lang napagtanto na baka napa-hiya ko sya kasi iba yung kilos nya afterwards. hindi ko sya inasar, hindi ito lunch break o recess. sa classroom, with the other classmates, at nasigawan ko sya.

i am sitting with person "f". just like i always do, nangungulit. nangungulit "silently" while someone was reporting in front (pero nakiking ako sa reporting ha, take note). while i was talking with person "f" the whole class was very noisy (as they always are), and i was getting annoyed. kaya puro "pssst!" "listen!" and "ano ba?!" ang sinasabi ko. pero every 3 mins, bumabalik ang ingay. while i was making asar person "f", i noticed tumayo si person "i" and he approached. at ayokong may tumatayo sa klase lalo na kapag may ginagawa, nagagalit ako. person "i" asked me something, and i answered. all the while i though that he would go back to his seat after i answer his question (that has no relevance to the subject at all), pero mukhang walang balak umupo. i repeat "i dont like student standing when i dont ask them to...."

...so there it is, annoyed by the noise of the class + irritated because the reporters were laughing while speaking + tired because this my last period for the day + a student that is standing and has no plans of going back to his seat = BOOM! "BAKIT NAKATAYO KA? UMUPO KA NGA!"

there goes all of it towards one person. a person that the class (and even I) least expect to be told what to do. i did not notice it during that time but now when i recall it, feeling ko napahiya ko sya. because he acted differently after it.

i said sorry, pero hindi sya nagrereply. waaah!

as i said, i dont like to hurt the feelings of others. especially my students. as much as i hate to say it (because i know that they are reading this), i love my students. and the last thing that i would want to do is hurt their feelings. because i only have little time with them, and i dont want to waste it with these things.

good boy image pa naman to. at feeling ko napahiya ko sya kasi syempre, ganun yung tingin ng mga kaklase nya sa kanya, tapos pinagalitan at nasigawan ko sya sa harap ng mga kaklase nya. i dont make that much of a big deal to students that i scold, lalo na kapag mali talaga yun ginawa. i dont also make such a fuss about these things kahit na ako yung nasa mali, pero nag-sorry naman ako at ok na kami nung person.

syempre, ang sipag ko mag-post dahil na reconnect na yung wifi ko.

basta, sana....

wah!

i hate it. i hate this feeling.

di pa rin nagrereply...im dead.

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T~T

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isshouni asobo!

itchy scalp

its 2:37 am.

blog before sleeping.

nakakapagod sa likod at kamay ang araw na to. i had to finish checking everything dahil magchecheck pa ako ng notebook sa wednesday. argh. buti na lang ready na ako. natapos ko rin. haha. kaya lang may mga seatwork na walang pangalan. nakakainis.

ayun lang. thats pretty much my day. aside from ending the day with sailormoon dvd marathon and blogging.

~ ~ ~

"hey"
"hey"
"missing that person again?"
"yeah...somekinda."
"bakit may somekinda?"
"wala lang. basta. complicated eh."
"ahh."
"basta. sayang hindi ko sya nakita bago kami maghiwalay. pakipot eh. galit-galitan kunwari. haha..."
"engot ka kasi. marami kang pag-iinarte sa buhay."
"ganun talaga ako. yaan mo na."

"yah."

"..."

"that song running again on your head."
"yeah..."

"...kono hoshi ga taira nara futari deaete nakatta."
"...if the world is flat, we would not have met."

~ ~ ~

the world going around made us impossible, but otherwise i would have not known that a person like you existed.

~ ~ ~

isshouni asobo!