2 BIG rats are frolicking behind me....seriously

ive been bothered, no, scared by the 2 rats chasing behind my back as i post this journal. i can hear them banging on the narra chairs and their squeaking. man! makes me wanna buy rat poison first thing tomorrow morning.

henniway....

circumstances force me to post another blog. WALA NANG LOAD ANG RF ACCOUNT KO!. goshness. kaya i'll blog na lang.

guess what i will be blogging for tonight. yep, you guessed it. i'll be talking about my students and high school life all over. high school life in a teacher's perspective. hay...

anyway, its about the kids. i hate those kids! and you know why?? it's because...

...there was this one afternoon that i had to look for offerors for next day's mass. but it seems that those people who i GREATLY trust turned their backs at me. well, most of them. so i was fuming mad at everyone that day. especially at my so-called "anak" (according to his classmates) because he was trying my patience when i have no more patience to have him try at all. you probably ask why did this become a reason? well, i was so bothered by this that it even haunted me at my dreams. i was not able to sleep that night because i kept on waking up every few hours or so. its as if i did not sleep at all. that's why the next day, my head ached all day long. i felt so weak. and felt so grumpy. my body never ACHED that much before. para akong ni-rape! (not that i've experienced it before, but you know what i mean.)

...they could be overly childish. but sometimes, innocence could make one think mature. there was this one kid that i talked to. i never thought that we would be able to talk like that ever because i never really liked him and his section that much. but after i was able to talk with him, i think i'm liking 2 out of 37 person in his class. haha. but i dont hate their class. its just that, im not that close with them. but i had fun talking with him because he was really open to the things that i am saying about him and his classmates. so there.

...i missed them today. i did not went with them on their field trip. i chose not to. i did this to SHOW the eyes that are watching that i would like to keep my job. kasi nga, there is the rule: bawal maging close sa studyante. and if i dont comply, i would be dead. just like one of my co-teachers said, "mga teacher sa seton ay makina." no feelings, no anything. just do your job and produce quality students. but i cant help it, QUALITY LASALLIAN EDUCATION (which i my parents paid 30 thousand+ every three months for at least four years) taught me that it is not enough that teachers should stand as teachers to their students. they should also make the students feel comfortable to as to instill in them the lasallian quote, which is to "teach minds, touch hearts and transform minds." hay, irony. how i love you.

...they make me realize certain things. and i greatly HATE them for this one. it goes something like this. one night, i was watching pinoy dream academy. i was about to sleep then so i was lying down. in this episode of PDA, the voice teachers were switching students. the students they had since the series started. there was this one teacher that cried because she was letting her students go. while she was holding back her tears, she said shakingly that she wants to see them shine more and she wants to see them succeed. and how does this relate to me? well, when i was watching this particular part, i was able to look forward. the month of march, the last day of ccf. that last time i will say "good morning, class." the last time i will face them in front of the class as their ccf teacher of their first year in high school. my last words. and before i finally say "goodbye, class." i will also tell them that i want to see them shine, to see them succeed, to see that they have learned something from me by being a good kid. (syempre naiiyak ako habang sinusulat ko to. pinipigil ko lang dahil katabi ko ang kapatid ko. >.< ) i know that this will soon happen. i know that someday, i will have to let go. someday, i will have to accept again the fact that some good things cannot be experienced again. and the reason that i am feeling this way was that i am still not ready. there are some more things that i have to teach them. maybe not all of them are from inside the classroom, but as their friend outside. i am not sure even if all those kids that i consider myself "close" to are real, are a true person to me. BUT I AM TRUE TO THEM. that's how i am trustful of people. that is how lenient i give my trust to them. inspite of all the shortcomings ang heartache. i HATE them because they remind me that i am weak. that deep inside, i am iyakin. i HATE them because i had a hard time holding back my tears and hiding my sniffing from my roommates. grr.

..lastly, i HATE them because they make me feel young. /gg

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goodbyes are so painful. just like what the song said "the problem with hello is goodbye." i guess, life is like a period of ccf. it starts with a good morning or with a good afternoon. it is always good even if the teacher is not feeling well. it is always good even if not all the students respond to the greeting. it is always good even if the teacher walked out the last meeting because of the noise. and it is always good even if the students does not have an assignment or the teacher does not have a lesson plan prepared for the class. but it always end with a goodbye and thank you. ending the class, realizing that time was too fast. wishing that ccf would be just like the basic subjects. meeting five times day because three times a day is not enough and having a double period at that. but we cant have everything that we wish for.

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ano ba to! march na ba? parang pang march na ang blog ko ah!

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isshouni asobo!